This Sunday is supposed to be a happy day for families, when children show their fathers how much they care and appreciate them.
But for some dads it is a dark and painful reminder…
This Sunday, while showing your father just how much he means to you, spare a thought for the separated dads who won’t get to see their children.
For the 558,000 men in Australia who are denied regular access to their children, Father’s Day is dark and painful time when the grief can become overwhelming.
Figures from the Australian Bureau of Statistics show that 87 per cent of the one million children with separated parents live with their mother.
On average, 77 mothers and fathers separate every day and 52 out of those 77 fathers will be denied the access to their children they want to see.
Each week, many of these fathers who are desperate to be with their kids, turn to each other for help at support groups like Dads in Distress.
It is a national support network for men dealing with the pain of being separated from their children and the angst they feel towards the court system.
A Family Court of Australia spokesperson could not confirm any statistics but said there was no ‘philosophical bias against fathers’ in the court system, and that the courts only focus is for the ‘best interests of the child’.
At every weekly Dads in Distress meeting around the country, the fathers leave one seat in the circle empty for those who didn’t make it through the grief and anguish of losing their family.
According to Dads in Distress statistics, for every female suicide linked to family breakdown there are at least 12 male suicides.
Newcastle Branch members are all trained in suicide prevention, and after one of their members took his life not long ago, it is a subject close to their hearts.
Graham Berry, 58, of Belmont says the court system is failing separated fathers.
His ex-wife lives in Taree and only allows him to speak with his 14-year-old son once a week, on a Wednesday, between 7.30-8pm.
“We’ve had a court order since 2004 that says I am supposed to see him (his son) every second weekend, but his mother just ignores it.
“I could go back to the courts but I really don’t want to put him through that anguish again, and the track record of the court system is that there is little deterrent for not obeying access orders.
“I have spent at least $10,000 trying and I know others who have spent double and triple that amount.”
It is a common theme at the Dads in Distress meeting, where the men share their hardship and the problems they face trying to see their children.
Mr Berry, who won’t be permitted to see his son this Father’s Day, says unashamedly that the help he found at the meetings saved his life.
“Father’s Day is always a dark time of year, as is Christmas and all the family holidays.
“They (the support group) provide peer support.
“Everyone in the group has felt the same pain and it can help to know you’re not alone, that a lone saves a lot of lives.”
The Dads in Distress Newcastle Branch meet at Tighes Hill Public School every Wednesday at 7.30pm and anyone who would like to talk can phone the support hotline on 1300 853 437.
Dads in Distress will hold a free Fathers Day barbeque at Walka Water Works, Maitland this Sunday, September 7.
To RSVP phone Phillip Penfold on 0427 330 771.
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